“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

~ Carl Jung

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Listening to the Whispers of My Heart

As I have made my way through the last few months, I have found myself feeling compelled to create. I love making mixed media art canvases. My mother was a litte OCD when it came to keeping her house clean; my sister and I are certain that our love of scissors, glue, paint and ink is a direct result of not getting enough cutting and pasting time as children.
We are making up for it now.



These little canvases have helped me in so many ways. The messages they convey have come from within me, sent by my heart and soul to help me heal. They challenge me to believe in myself and in my capacity to find what is next for me. I can stretch and grow if I am willing to take risks and try new things.




They remind me that I am loved and that I have love to give to others. When this transition started for me, I asked myself the question: what do I believe my purpose to be?




The answer that came to me was a little surprising. I really felt that my purpose is to love. It seems a little simplistic and sort of hokey, but that's the answer that came to me. Love of family will always be my first priority, but this seemed bigger than that. I felt my purpose is to be a loving presence in the world.
And so as I look for that open window that must be out there somewhere for me, I will continue to listen and to follow the whisperings of my heart and to look for opportunities to open my heart and to be a loving presence.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Transitions

Today is a beginning.  The start of something new - my first blog.  I am starting this blog during a period of transition in my life.  Among other things, I am a social worker and have worked in the same agency for the last 15 years, but circumstances change no matter how tightly we try to hold on, not matter how tightly our fists close around what we have in an attempt to keep things the same.  So, earlier this year, in spite of commitment to a program I had helped to build, concern for clients and the staff members I supervised, and the loss of my job and livelihood; I resigned.  It was an incredibly  difficult decision, but it had to be. 

I am not sure at the time I was aware of how profoundly the losses I experienced would impact me.  I lost a part of my identity and treasured relationships with long-time clients and colleagues.  With the loss of my income, I lost my sense of security.  Most importantly, I lost my community.  This was more than a job for me.  On the day of my resignation, I made a choice to open myself up to change and let me emphasize I am not a person who enjoys change, adventure or adrenaline.  But I chose change and so this transition started.

In the months since making this change, my emotional response has vacillated between two poles.  I am terrified about the uncertainty of what's next and wildly excited anticipating new possibilities.  Unfortunately I am most familiar and thus most comfortable with the terrified, what have I done, end of things.  I am working to change that.  I am working to live my life with both hands wide open to receive whatever life has for me.  I am working to live my life with both hands wide open to share what life gives me with others.  So, this blog is born.    So today with the beginning of something new, I am challenging myself and perhaps you, to continue to grow, to use whatever experience life has given to you.  Let's be willing to open our hands, let go of the past, swing out over the cavern of the the unknown, and reach for what ever it is that life has for us as we continue our journey. Let's live with both hands wide open!