This week I have been thinking about one of my long-term patterns that causes me a good bit of pain and suffering. I am an introvert by personality. I love to be with people, but I also need a good bit of alone time to recharge. Normally I can keep myself in pretty good balance with this dynamic; however, when I am down, I withdraw which of course aggravates my sadness and depression. Add to this the fact that I love to be helpful to other people, but I do not like to ask for help. I think I graciously receive unsolicited support, but asking, well that is another matter. I don’t know if it is the acknowledgement of my neediness that I hate or the fear that I will ask and the help I seek will not be given. Maybe it is a little of both.
This past week my discomfort with my current situation got pretty intense. Intense enough in fact for me to face this pattern head on. I contacted a number of former colleagues and friends and asked them for help. And amazingly enough many of them helped. It was pretty wonderful. I received the help I needed and some very encouraging supportive feedback as well. Early last week I felt like my light had been extinguished, but it was certainly rekindled by the support and encouragement I received.
Interestingly enough, this really has been the case most of the times I have gotten to the point of asking for help in the past. I wonder how many times it is going to take, how many positive experiences I’ll have to have, before I rewrite this belief in my head and heart. I would like for today to be the first day of a new belief system. Starting today I would like to believe in the people around me and to believe in myself. I would like to live my life trusting in my own process, knowing that all is as it should be.
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark
from another person. Each of us has cause to think
with deep gratitude of those who have lightedthe flame within us.