“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

~ Carl Jung

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Dance in the Rain

Over the last week, I have been thinking a lot about my word for 2012 – THRIVE.  As the week has progressed, I have become increasingly sad and frustrated; well, really I have descended into the bottomless pit of self pity and despair.    After all, the universe promised me that I would thrive in 2012 and we are almost a quarter into the year.  When is “thrive” going to happen?  I AM WAITING AND I AM READY.

As I thought about this, I had to admit to myself that my life right now is pretty wonderful.  I don’t have a job.  I don’t have any income.  I have to be careful about my spending; but, I do have some pretty amazing things happening in my life.

For the first time in 15 years, I have time to write; and, I love to write.  Journaling connects me with the best part of myself.  I have time to play with art, and have found that combining paint, paper and glue into meaningful designs gives me tremendous joy.  I have time to be both emotionally and physically available to my family members, the people who mean the most to me. 

Before I left my job last July, I thought I was pretty squared away.  Since then, I have had to come to terms with the reality that I still have some growing to do.  I hate change.  I like to know where I am going, to be in control.  I have authority issues; and, I don’t like confrontation.  I don’t like to need others; and, I HATE TO ASK FOR HELP.  I am having the opportunity to work on these issues.  J

I have always said that I want to continue to grow until the day I die, to continue the process of becoming the best person I can be.   I still don’t know where this journey is headed; but, I don’t want to just wait out this storm in my life with my eyes shut, fist clenched, holding my breath.  I want to be open to experience everything that I have before me.  I want to be fully alive, fully present right now in this moment.  I do not want to wait for this storm to pass before I begin to live with my hands wide open and to DANCE in the RAIN.


Woodland Rose said...

Dottie, do not give up the good fight. I am just coming through the dark night (finally seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel). Your words echoed mine. It truly is a time of cleansing, honesty and onto loving creation. Your collages are beautiful and inspiring. I collage too but in a more abstract form. I need to work on color. You've got it.
Thanks for sharing. Blessings for your (our - all of humanity's) journey. Andrea

Dottie said...

Thanks Andrea, It is interesting isn't it; when our heart is broken, it opens us up. In some strange way it makes more space. If we can stay open, the world inside of us and outside of us becomes more vivid and intense. I think I will take a walk in the woods today and see what I can see. Have a wonderful week.

Linda Cain said...

I absolutely LOVE Dancing in the Rain!!!!! Terrific!