GRATITUDE

This week I have been thinking about one of my long-term patterns that causes me a good bit of pain and suffering.  I am an introvert by personality.  I love to be with people, but I also need a good bit of alone time to recharge.  Normally I can keep myself in pretty good balance with this dynamic; however, when I am down, I withdraw which of course aggravates my sadness and depression.    Add to this the fact that I love to be helpful to other people, but I do not like to ask for help.  I think I graciously receive unsolicited support, but asking, well that is another matter.  I don’t know if it is the acknowledgement of my neediness that I hate or the fear that I will ask and the help I seek will not be given.  Maybe it is a little of both.  

This past week my discomfort with my current situation got pretty intense.  Intense enough in fact for me to face this pattern head on.  I contacted a number of former colleagues and friends and asked them for help.  And amazingly enough many of them helped.  It was pretty wonderful.   I received the help I needed and some very encouraging supportive feedback as well.  Early last week I felt like my light had been extinguished, but it was certainly rekindled by the support and encouragement I received.

Interestingly enough, this really has been the case most of the times I have gotten to the point of asking for help in the past.    I wonder how many times it is going to take, how many positive experiences I’ll have to have, before I rewrite this belief in my head and heart.  I would like for today to be the first day of a new belief system.  Starting today I would like to believe in the people around me and to believe in myself.  I would like to live my life trusting in my own process, knowing that all is as it should be.       

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark

from another person.  Each of us has cause to think

with deep gratitude of those who have lighted

                                                                                the flame within us.