I am an anomaly in a family of adrenaline junkies. My son and daughter climb up sheer rock cliffs for fun. My son and my husband love motorcycles. My husband who is not a big man used to climb up on the backs of bulls as a hobby. All of them plus my daughter-in-law love to shoot guns. I don’t get any of it.
I have an amazingly sensitive startle reflex. I hate heights, sudden movements, and loud noises. I am the person at the amusement park sitting on the bench looking slightly green, feeling dizzy and nauseated just watching the people I love hurl through space. I wish I could say I am the Zen member of the family, but I think it is just that my fight or flight response is off the charts.
That said, the last two weeks have felt like a rollercoaster ride to me. Several positive possibilities have arisen, not come through, followed by more possibilities. Nothing has actually worked out yet, but maybe. I have felt excited, appreciated, competent, frustrated, disappointed, and excited again. Whew!
The most interesting part of all to me has been my response. I have had the full range of sometimes intense emotions; however, I have taken it all in stride and not let the emotions of any one moment get set into a more lasting mood problem. I have somehow stayed grounded in my center and just let it be. I am actually letting my life unfold and maintaining a sort of curious detachment. The word that best describes it for me is transcendence. It feels good. I like it; and, I hope I can hold on to it.